Do What You Want with Me
by HappyBlushCalayapie
Summary: Kaoru is depressed. He knows what he wants, and Haruhi suggested that he write it down and give it to Hikaru so that he can understand. "...Do what you want with me, Do what you want with my body, Take it all the way, And go even further, if you like..." HikaKao. Eventual lemon.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Do What You Want with Me  
Anime: Ouran High School Host Club  
Pairing: HikaKao  
Chapter 1

It were as though Hikaru didn't understand him at _all_. Kaoru didn't get it. How was it that his big brother couldn't see what was bothering him? Hikaru didn't even seem to ask him about his problems, anymore.

"Hey…" a voice asked him softly in the third music room. "What's wrong?" she asked him. He smiled a little bit, sadly, yet partially amused.

"Yeah, I figured that you of all people could tell, Haruhi. I'm probably most upset by the fact that Hikaru can't tell, though, and I've known him always…"

"It might help if you told him." She suggested.

"You'd think that, but it's not that simple." He frowned. "I'm doing more than dropping hints to him. Shouldn't the look on my face say it? Shouldn't my eyes say all the words that I need to convey?" he looked at her, hoping for some sort of special kind of wisdom to come from her lips.

"Sometimes, if you can't put it into words when trying to say something, a picture or just plain writing it down helps. Let him know exactly what's on your mind. Also, when something's wrong, it's not the best idea to deny it. You deny it when he asks, right?"

"I used to. Now, he doesn't ask, so I have nothing to deny. I feel like he's away from me even though we're always together…" he paused, trying to think of what to say. "I'm not an artist, and what I want him to understand would be strange and awkward to draw. I don't think he'd be able to _tell_ since I draw so badly. As for writing it… I'll have to think about this very seriously before I write anything down. Like, you know how when things come out better in your head than out loud or on paper?"

"Yeah?"

"It's like that."

"Ah… well, I can't really help you, there. I guess I'll just wish you good luck, and hope for the best." She walked to another part of the room.

-

That evening, Kaoru sat at his desk at home, trying to write something down.

"It's… really hard…" he said. He eventually let his head drop so that his forehead smacked the desk. "And freakin' retarded… why can't he just _tell_? I mean… I'm dropping some pretty big hints. How can he be so blind?" Hikaru walked in.

"Hey, I'm gonna get a shower." He said, leaving for the bathroom. Kaoru groaned in reply.

"This is stupid…" he grumbled. "But I have about twenty minutes to think about it before he gets out. Yeah. Ha. No pressure…" he took his pencil and started to write whatever came to his mind.

**I'm so sensitive  
My body is so sensitive  
I drop hints and lines  
But you don't seem to notice  
The way I tremble under your touch in the Host Club  
The way I try to ignore those dumb girls and focus on how I'm not supposed to kiss you  
How ever single fiber of my being feels like it's on fire  
How your eyes undress me, but you probably don't know you're doing it  
Do what you want with me  
Do what you want with my body  
Take it all the way  
And go even further, if you like  
Make me scream  
Hurt me if you want  
I just want**_**something**_****

I looked you in the eyes and try to seduce you  
My own eyes are undressing you  
I don't see how you don't notice  
The fact that I'm always aroused when I'm near you  
As of late, I cannot appreciate  
The fact that you don't notice me at all  
It's like you're not here even when you're with me  
And as of a week ago  
You don't even ask me what's wrong

He had more to add to it. How far was Kaoru willing to go to get his point across?

**I want to be dominated by you  
I want you to catch me pleasuring myself in the most embarrassing way  
And stop me before I reach sweet bliss  
And then tell me, 'Let me take care of that, for you'  
And then I'll spread myself open wide  
And scream in ecstasy as you do what you want to my aching, needy body  
I'm so sensitive and tender  
I feel like you're the cord and I'm the plug  
And we could make friction until sparks start flying like electricity**

What more could he write to entice him?

**I'm not innocent  
Not in my heart  
I'm a bad kid  
I want you so badly  
I want to go wild and forget idiotic restraints in life  
Forget those retarded rules that make my life Hell  
That incest is wrong****  
And brothers shouldn't fall in love with each other  
But I want your hands on my soft, sensitive flesh  
I want you to go beyond all the barriers and take me down  
I want to scream  
I want to know that it's really happening  
Even if it hurts and the pleasure never comes to me  
And you just**_**use**_**me  
I want it no matter what**

He heard the shower turn off. Hikaru would be out in a moment.

**I hear you  
You're going to come out looking for clothes and be dripping wet  
Looking gorgeous**

He heard him walking in.

**And now I've completely lost my nerve.**

He crumbled the paper and threw it away. It was the only paper in the wastebasket.

"So, what'd you do while I was washing up?"

'Writing about all that you're aloud to do to my body.' He thought.

"Nothing, really. It wasn't all that special, anyway." He said.

'But it already feels like I've gotten it partially off of my chest…'


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Do What You Want with Me  
Anime: Ouran High School Host Club  
Pairing: HikaKao  
Chapter 2

Once Kaoru had started writing down his feelings, he found himself unable to resist writing more of them, and was surprised as to how much he had to say.

**I want you to hurt me  
I don't know why  
I'm not sure if I'm a masochist  
But this kind of attitude towards life I'm having right now  
Kind of frightens me  
I'd let you be my sadist, though  
I'd let you hurt me  
What am I saying?  
I have no right  
You just have your way with me when you want it  
I have no right to command you when I am so submissive  
**

He gave it some thought. There are meanings behind his words. He frowned.

**On some level  
I want you to hurt me  
I must hate myself  
That's why  
It's because I'm wrong  
And I know it  
I want you to punish me  
So that I can know my place  
Hurt me, big brother**

This was one of many short stories he wrote down about his feelings that ended up in the trashcan. It was filled with his many balled up papers, and he was the only one filling up the garbage can. He wanted to keep them, though. They he'd his feelings, and possibly his future.

'How will I ever tell him, though?' he wondered. He felt like there was a heavier weight on his shoulders than before.

**Make me bleed.**


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Do What You Want with Me  
Anime: Ouran High School Host Club  
Pairing: HikaKao  
Chapter 3

The words… the feelings… they wouldn't stop coming from him.

**I love you  
There, I said it  
I'm crazy, though  
And you know nothing about me except what I wanted you to see**

He paused, and the continued.

**Crazy, right?  
I let you see what I wanted you to see  
And after all these years, you still know nothing  
Funny how even you couldn't see that I was hurting  
And Haruhi, who barely knows us, seems to understand us so well  
And me so much more than you**

The way he wrote that made it seem like he liked her. She was a friend, but that wasn't true.

**Sometimes I wonder if your feelings for her grow faster by the day  
Yet, when you disappear from my view and don't talk to me  
You're not with her  
You're by yourself**

He stopped writing. Where did Hikaru _go_ when he disappeared? Was he angry with him, or did Kaoru just not matter anymore? He felt his eyes water.

**Are you angry with me?  
You couldn't be punishing yourself  
I'd punish myself every day  
But you and others would ask questions  
And think I was being abused**

A tear hit the page. He wrote frantically.

**But  
Then again  
You don't ask anything about me  
Or of me  
Anymore**

He was full-on crying, now, as Hikaru burst into the room when he heard the sound.


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Do What You Want with Me  
Anime: Ouran High School Host Club  
Pairing: HikaKao  
Chapter 4

"Kaoru!" he called out. He heard his name called and gasped, crumpling the paper into a ball and tossing it away. His brother ran over to him and embraced him. Kaoru hugged him back, tears still streaking his cheeks. "Are you okay? Are you hurt? What's wrong?"

The questions only made him cry harder. Seeing him _care_ after writing all of that? It hurt ten times more than it should have. _Now_ he was choosing to ask about this sort of thing and wonder what was wrong as he cried his eyes out. He couldn't help it, though. His heart hurt.

"Kaoru!" he said again. "Why are you crying?!"

It was mixture of both himself and Hikaru. It was a mixture of everything he knew, loved, and hated. It was mostly his foolish feelings, though.

"It's… nothing…" he said through his tears. He had just done what Haruhi reminded him wouldn't do any good: denying that there was something wrong.

"Don't say that! Apparently 'nothing's been wrong' for awhile!" Hikaru said. "You can't lie to me like this! You just _can't_!" he looked like he was on the verge of tears as well.

"You… selfishly… heartlessly… act like you care… but it's just an _act_ to you."

At that moment, Hikaru slapped him, knocking him to the floor and then pinning him down, looking at him angrily. Kaoru's eyes were wide and surprised, and a few tears still leaked out. He then looked away from him and blinked some more tears away as best he could.

"I deserved that." He whispered.

"Tell me what's wrong." Hikaru demanded.

"If it makes you feel any better… you can hit me again… as hard as you want."

"What?" that answer really surprised him.

"As many times as you want… to punish me…" Hikaru grabbed his shoulders and shook him a little bit, gripping him hard. Kaoru figured he'd have bruises later on.

"Are you out of your mind?! Why would I ever do that to you?! I just slapped you to wake you up out of whatever the hell this is, and yet, you've just gotten crazier."

Suddenly, Kaoru's eyes changed from submissive and lonely into something else. They glared up at his big brother, staring back into the eyes that now looked startled by his gaze. Kaoru looked angry… dark… cruel. And then, he said it.

"You know absolutely _**nothing**_ about me." the force in his words and whatever the meaning behind them was struck fear into his older brother. He slowly let go of him and moved off of him, trying to figure out what it meant. Kaoru stood up and walked out of the room, showing that he was stronger than he seemed. Hikaru had expected him to run away.


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Do What You Want with Me  
Anime: Ouran High School Host Club  
Pairing: HikaKao  
Chapter 5

Later on that night, sleeping was hard, but somehow Hikaru nodded off first. He woke up sometime that night and noticed that Kaoru was gone and a note was on his side of the bed on his pillow. He read it aloud,

"_Hikaru,_

I'll be back later. I couldn't sleep. I knew that if you woke up, I'd have to deal with you if you found me awake. I just can't be around you right now. I'll come back after I've cleared my head some.

Love, Kaoru"

He crumbled the note and threw it on the ground, throwing a tiny fit and sticking his tongue out at it immaturely. He rolled over, away from it, and then sighed. He then tried to think about it some more.

"Why would he say something like that?"

_"You know absolutely__**nothing**__about me."_

"God, he's such a brat. And why'd I freak out back there? What don't I know about Kaoru? He keeps things from me, now… and just sits there at that desk writing for hours, it seems. Whenever I walk in the room, he crumbles what he was writing and throws it away. Today, he couldn't lie very effectively, though." He sat up slowly and looked at the trashcan. "There's probably twenty or more paper balls in there. It's not right to snoop, but Kaoru won't be back for a while. It'd sure be nice if it'd give me some sort of clue…" he got out of bed, and yawned as he made his way over to the desk and the small, see through trash bin. "Now, Kaoru… you don't have any dark secrets. It should be fine…"

'I hope…' he thought.

He turned on the lamp on the desk and dumped out the paper balls.

"Maybe he likes somebody and was writing her love notes, but it didn't work twenty-five times in a row…" he guessed.

Each one was numbered. He started from number one, reading it to himself and trying to figure out what it meant.

"**I'm so sensitive  
My body is so sensitive  
I drop hints and lines  
But you don't seem to notice**"

'He seems to want this person a LOT…' he thought. He continued on.

"**The way I tremble under your touch in the Host Club**… what?" he started to get worried. "**The way I try to ignore those dumb girls and focus on how I'm not supposed to kiss you  
How every single fiber of my being feels like it's on fire  
How your eyes undress me, but you probably don't know you're doing it**" he trembled fearfully. "What… what do you mean by that? **Do what you want with me  
Do what you want with my body  
Take it all the way  
And go even further, if you like  
Make me scream  
Hurt me if you want  
I just want something**…Kaoru… you're… scaring me… **I looked you in the eyes and tried to seduce you  
My own eyes are undressing you  
I don't see how you don't notice  
The fact that I'm always aroused when I'm near you**…you hide something like this from me? **As of late, I cannot appreciate  
The fact that you don't notice me at all  
It's like you're not here even when you're with me  
And as of a week ago  
You don't even ask me what's wrong**…Kaoru… I didn't know… **I want to be dominated by you  
I want you to catch me pleasuring myself in the most embarrassing way  
And stop me before I reach sweet bliss  
And then tell me, 'Let me take care of that, for you'  
And then I'll spread myself open wide  
And scream in ecstasy as you do what you want to my aching, needy body**" Hikaru covered his mouth and gasped in shock. He didn't expect this. It went _beyond_scary. "**I'm so sensitive and tender  
I feel like you're the cord and I'm the plug  
And we could make friction until sparks start flying like electricity  
I'm not innocent  
Not in my heart  
I'm a bad kid  
I want you so badly  
I want to go wild and forget idiotic restraints in life  
Forget those retarded rules that make my life Hell  
That incest is wrong****  
And brothers shouldn't fall in love with each other  
But I want your hands on my soft, sensitive flesh  
I want you to go beyond all the barriers and take me down  
I want to scream  
I want to know that it's really happening  
Even if it hurts and the pleasure never comes to me  
And you just use me  
I want it no matter what**...Why? Why all of this? Are you really thinking about us being like this? **I hear you  
You're going to come out looking for clothes and be dripping wet  
Looking gorgeous**…he started writing the first one after I got in the shower that day… **And now I've completely lost my nerve.**" he stopped reading.

"Kaoru…" it's all he could say. He was frozen where he sat on the floor, unable to move any of his voluntary muscles. He trembled. He knew nothing about him.

_"You know absolutely__**nothing**__about me."_


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Do What You Want with Me  
Anime: Ouran High School Host Club  
Pairing: HikaKao  
Chapter 6

He, knowing how masochistic it was, read many of them before he heard Kaoru's footsteps. He would find him like that. Hikaru flipped out and put all of the paper balls back in the trash, turned the lamp light off, and dove back into bed, embracing a pillow under the covers, shivering fearfully.

"Hikaru?" Kaoru whispered, checking to see if he was awake. Hikaru's attempt to not be noticed and try to sleep failed when he panicked when Kaoru called his name and yelped a little bit. He thrashed about and then threw the covers off of him and looked at his little brother who sported a blank face. Hikaru turned red. This was awkward. What made things even imore/i awkward was that he started laughing nervously until it turned into hysterical laughter, and he didn't know why. Then, he fell on his back and then yelped when he accidentally rolled off the bed. "What the hell, Hikaru, are you on idrugs/i or something? I disappear for two hours and when I come back, you laugh your ass off!" that helped the laughing twin to calm down a little bit.

"No, I'm not on drugs! I don't know where that laughter came from! Calm down."

"Don't you tell ime/i to calm down, Hikaru!"

"Kaoru, at this hour you should have showered and gone to bed!"

"Pick a number."

"Do what?"

"Just shut up and do it."

"I dunno… three."

"Multiply it by two."

"Six."

"Now divide it by one."

"Um… that's still six, right?"

"Now multiply that by zero."

"Zero. What the hell is the point of all of this, Kaoru? You're wasting my time."

"You just came to the number of fucks I give about going to bed at the same time as you." Kaoru said harshly. Hikaru's jaw dropped in surprise at his twin's fowl language and how clever he was. He didn't say anything to him. He didn't know iwhat/i to say. Instead, Kaoru grumbled, ignored him, and sat down at his desk and turned the lamp on low. "Sleep if you want. I have too many things on my mind, right now." Hikaru gulped.

'He's gonna write again… what's next?' he thought fearfully.


	7. Chapter 7

Title: Do What You Want with Me  
Anime: Ouran High School Host Club  
Pairing: HikaKao  
Chapter 7

Kaoru took out a pen and a piece of paper and started writing. Hikaru watched him, feeling freaked out, but less so than before. The writing twin felt his eyes on him, boring into the back of his skull. He look back at him and glared at him. Hikaru, who was no back on the bed looking innocent and sitting Indian style, flinched.

"Is there something you _need_?" Kaoru said.

"Just… wondering what you're writing, this time…"

"Take a guess." He turned around and went back to writing.

"Um… a love letter?" he guessed that it was about him, but didn't say that part.

"Hikaru, just how loving do I seem right now?" he asked, glaring at him again over his shoulder. Hikaru gulped and looked away from him. Yeah, Kaoru was still pissed at him.

"Not very much…" he paused, listening to the sound of pen scratching away on paper. "A hit list? With me at the top of it?" he looked at him again. Kaoru didn't look back.

"Something like that. It's not a hit list, though." He continued to write.

**You don't understand me  
You never will  
I'm unimportant  
And I can already tell  
That you've slept peacefully  
While I was gone  
And now  
You question what I do  
Like you own me**

"So… you're still mad at me, then…" Kaoru looked at him again and said sarcastically,

"Naw, I'm peachy keen and cuddly. I'm totally not in the mood to rip fluffy bunnies' heads off." He turned back around to write. Hikaru sweat dropped.

'He's scary when he's this mad… normally it's _me_ that acts this way…'

**I want to tell you everything  
But you'd look at me  
Shocked  
Confused  
Dazed  
Lost  
Fearful  
You'd want to run away  
And I want to scream**

"Will you ever enlighten me on what's on those pages?"

**I want you to get angry, too  
Run up and hit me  
I want you to knock me down  
Leave painful marks on my body  
And make me hurt**

"Kaoru?"

**You should hate me  
Hate me for who I am  
And what I do and want  
Kill me, if you like  
I'm of no importance**

"Just finish up and come to bed. It's kind of like a letter to me, except you're just venting and will never send it. Just hurry up and relax and come to bed. I can't sleep very well without you here with me…" Kaoru looked a little less tense when he said that.

**Teasing me…  
Asking me to come to bed  
I hear something else with the perverse part of my mind  
Translating it as something delicious and enticing  
It isn't, though  
It's just a scheme  
You'll lure me in  
Only to fall asleep**

He stopped writing, turned it into a ball and threw it away.

"I'm gonna take a five minute shower…" he mumbled, leaving the room.


	8. Chapter 8

Title: Do What You Want with Me  
Anime: Ouran High School Host Club  
Pairing: HikaKao  
Chapter 8

Kaoru yawned, entering their room in his pajamas.

"What's with the shirt and pants? You're normally in your underwear and nothing else… like me." Hikaru asked.

"What? Am I not aloud to dress how I please, now?" Kaoru said irritably.

"Nah… it's not that." Hikaru smiled deviously and then grabbed Kaoru, pulling him into bed and hugging him. Kaoru yelped in surprise. "Aww… but you're so soft, warm, and cuddly in these pajamas! And you smell like a fresh backed cookie." He nuzzled his neck the younger twin giggled and gasped a little bit. "Mm…" Hikaru moaned a little bit.

'I have to admit: Kaoru's fun to play around with, like this. And he's so cute when he gets all flustered…' Hikaru thought. Next thing he knew, he had his little brother pinned down and was cuddling with him, Kaoru's arms wrapped around him, and a smile on his face.

"Wait…" Kaoru frowned. "You're just trying to make me forget that I'm mad at you. It's not gonna work."

"Sure it will…" Hikaru said softly. He flicked his tongue at a sensitive area on his brother's neck, making him twitch and gasp in pleasure. Liking the result he got from this, he focused there, licking and teasing the area. It only took a short while for Kaoru to have a large amount of cute blush on his face, and for him to be gasping and writhing beneath him. "See?" he asked, his lips slightly against his neck. He could feel Kaoru's erection against his leg. "It's fun…"

"Hi…ka…ru…" Kaoru said. He whimpered and then cried out and pleasure as his the older Hitachiin sucked on the moist area on his neck, leaving a hickey. By now, Kaoru was_very_ excited. Hikaru stopped and looked the younger twin in the eyes, their noses touching. Kaoru looked desperate. "Do… what you want… with me…" Hikaru panicked for amoment, but tried not to show it.

'That was one of the lines from the first thing I read…' he thought.

"You could kill me… and rape my body… but it doesn't matter to me… since I don't matter at all…" Hikaru could feel the sadness in his words, see it in his eyes, and just wanted to make him happy.

"Kaoru…" he said softly, laying his head down so what his cheek was on his shoulder and their bodies were pressed together. "If that's the kind of self esteem you have, no_wonder_ you're so upset right now. You matter to me, Kaoru. You're _very_ important." He felt like he was nodding off. His little Kaoru just felt so wamr and smelled so delightful…

"Hikaru…" he replied softly, holding his big brother closer.

'I want to matter… but you're the twin that people are most interested in. If I disappear… it won't matter…' and with that thought, he fell asleep as a tear fell onto Hikaru's hair.


	9. Chapter 9

Title: Do What You Want with Me  
Anime: Ouran High School Host Club  
Pairing: HikaKao  
Chapter 9

It was the next day, and it was nearly time for the Host Club to open. Kaoru was late. Hikaru sighed. His arms were crossed and he was leaning up against a wall nearby the window.

"Hey… I know that you're not quite in it, but you're standing awfully close to Tamaki's emo corner. What's wrong?" Haruhi asked. He smiled a little bit, sadly, yet partially amused.

"Yeah, I figured that you of all people could tell, Haruhi. I kind of found out what was wrong with Kaoru, and it's really screwing with my mind."

"You know? He said just about the same thing to me the other day when I asked him what was wrong. Have you two talked about it?"

"Not exactly. Well… kind of. I don't know what happened yesterday…"

"Well, he wants you to know… he didn't tell you directly, did he?"

"No… he's been writing a lot and I finally snooped and read the papers from the garbage can out of curiosity. I sort of wish I hadn't. I could have gone without those kind of worries… he's so… sad…"

"Hikaru…" Haruhi frowned. "Is there any way I could help?" Hikaru shook his head.

"I don't think so. Do you think I could set myself a VIP section for myself in the king's emo corner? I think I might park myself there, for awhile…" Haruhi smiled slightly. She knew Hikaru was kidding.

"Come on… you're too good for the emo corner. Cheer up."

"Heh… thanks." He smiled. Then he frowned. "I just realized something."

"Hmm?"

"We were so caught up in all this drama that we forgot to write a script for our brotherly love act. We're gonna have to wing it… and I'm not sure how I feel about that."

"Why, it's not like something's gonna go wrong… right?"

'That's what I'm afraid of…' he thought. At that moment, Kaoru came in through the third music room's doors, just in time for the guests to start showing up, and neither of them were ready to do this.


	10. Chapter 10

Title: Do What You Want with Me  
Anime: Ouran High School Host Club  
Pairing: HikaKao  
Chapter 10

The girls were watching them, waiting for them to do something… anything. They hardly even spoke. It felt like there was a dark cloud over them, threatening to pour down rain.

'It's awkward and tense… I don't even know what to say to him, right now…' Hikaru thought. 'And he isn't even looking at me… just at his lap.' Then, he got an idea. He moved closer to Kaoru, closing their distance dramatically, and wrapped his arms around him in a gentle hug. Kaoru was surprised. The girls started smiling, seeing that it had begun.

"You looked so lonely and sad… I just thought you'd want a hug from me, Kaoru." He said honestly.

"Hikaru…" he replied, softly, and sadly. "I _am_ lonely…" he looked up at him into his eyes, his reply just as honest as what his big brother said.

"I never wanted to hurt you… I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault… I don't know whose fault it is, anymore…" he adverted his gaze.

"Mine. Definitely all mine."

"Hikaru… stop trying to make this into something bigger than it already is."

"It couldn't possibly get any bigger, though…"

"It can. And it will." He managed to get out of Hikaru's embrace.

"Kaoru… don't be so distant…" he said sadly.

"Last night…" he paused. "I was happy. Because you lied to me… saying all of those nice things to me…"

"Those weren't lies!" he pulled him close again in a way to where he couldn't escape him. "I was telling you the honest truth." He tilted his chin up so that their eyes met again. "You matter to me. You're the most important person in my world."

"Hikaru… I want to believe that… but…"

"But?"

"But I feel like we've become strangers…"

The girls were wiping tears away with their handkerchiefs, smearing their mascara a little bit.

"I never want you to feel that way." He cupped Kaoru's cheek, bringing their faces close together.

"This is all a lie, and you know it." He said, looking away for a moment before Hikaru forced his eyes to meet his, again.

"What do you mean?" he lowered his voice. The girls had to strain to listen. Kaoru cheated to make sure he couldn't see his eyes when he said it and whispered in his ear,

"It'd never work." Even though he wanted it to more than anything in the world.


	11. Chapter 11

Title: Do What You Want with Me  
Anime: Ouran High School Host Club  
Pairing: HikaKao  
Chapter 11

Kaoru left the club before Hikaru when the two miserable hours were over.

"Can I borrow your emo corner?" Hikaru asked Tamaki quietly.

"Huh? Oh… yeah, I guess…" the blonde replied. When Haruhi walked by, she saw Hikaru in it. She knelt down beside him and petted his hair.

"It'll be alright."

"That was awful. So harsh. I wish we hadn't shown up, today. All sorts of things were said, and all of them were true, which is why it hurt so much…"

"Hika-Chan, would give Kao-Chan some of this cake help? You both like strawberries. I'll be nice and give you this piece to share with him." Honey said.

"Aww… that's so selfless of you!" Haruhi said to the tiny host. "Hikaru, maybe he's right. That cake looks good. Take it home and share it with him."

"I don't see how it'd help…"

"Just do it for the sake of the fact that Honey's actually willing to give you this piece of cake without making you share it."

"I have plenty of this same kind at home. Special Cake Night is tonight, so I don't mind sharing some of the cake here." Honey said with a smile.

"Fine…" Hikaru said, rolling his eyes. He took I in a box, and left for home.

"Think Hika-Chan's gonna be alright?" Honey asked.

"I hope so…" Haruhi replied.

When Hikaru got home, he went up to their room and called out his brother's name.

"Kaoru, I brought something we can share that you might like!" he didn't see him, though. He wasn't there. He looked at the desk and walked towards it. A piece of paper was left out. Had he written a note for him? He picked it up and dropped it in shock, running out of the room to look for him, leaving the cake behind.

**I wonder how long it would take Hikaru to find me if I were dead…**


	12. Chapter 12

Title: Do What You Want with Me  
Anime: Ouran High School Host Club  
Pairing: HikaKao  
Chapter 12

He ran down stairs, hoping to find him.

"Kaoru! KAORU!" he called out. He didn't know where he was, but he hoped that it wasn't too late. He then saw him at the table, alone in the dining room. One of his wrists was bleeding on top onto the polished, wooden surface. "Kaoru!" he said. He ran over to him.

"Hikaru…?" Kaoru said, surprised.

"You're bleeding…" the older twin said sadly, feeling like crying.

"You didn't notice me in here and walked upstairs. I hadn't had the guts to try anything until I saw you walking away…" Hikaru saw the knife. "I've never done it before, though, and I chose a bad knife… and I didn't have the nerve to cut where the veins were, so I did it on top." Hiakru gently grabbed his hand and fearlessly licked the wound. Kaoru blushed deeply. "Hikaru?" the blood was gone. He kissed the mark.

"They say that licking it disinfects it." He said seriously and quietly. "I can't believe you did this…"

"Hikaru…" he said slowly. "Don't be so worried about me."

"You left that note for me. I was so scared when I read it."

"You don't get it, do you?"

"What's there to _get_? That my brother is suicidal, now, because of me? That you hate yourself _that__**much**_/b?" he looked up at him, hoping for a better answer than what he was about to receive.

"Like I said…" Kaoru said seriously. "I don't matter. Not even slightly. You can go on. You can live for the two of us. You can find romance with a nice girl that I can agree with you on, and you can start over. Maybe Haruhi, if you'd like."

"Don't _say_ that!"

"Because you're important and special. And I'm just too weak-minded…"

"You're stronger than this!"

"Here," he handed the older twin the knife and made him wrap his fingers around it. "I don't have the guts to do it myself."

"Kao…ru…?"

"It'll take some doing since it's dull… but… I think through the heart should do it."

With that, Hikaru chunked the knife somewhere else in the room and embraced his little brother.

"Never say something like that ever again." He cried on his shoulder.

"I made you cry… don't cry. It just makes me feel worse…"

"I want you to smile for me." Hiakru said through his tears. "I want to see you smile every single day, and I want it to be _real_. Because it's beautiful when you're just naturally happy…"

"Hikaru…?"

"Because you're so much better that way!" Hikaru shouted. He ended up weeping harder, hiccupping and making the younger twin's uniform wet with tears. "So… just smile…"

"…"

"Please… just smile…"


	13. Chapter 13

Title: Do What You Want with Me  
Anime: Ouran High School Host Club  
Pairing: HikaKao  
Chapter 13

After Hikaru calmed down a little bit, he put a bandage on the wound on Kaoru's wrist. He brought Kaoru with him upstairs to their room and picked up the note and crushed it in his hand before opening the window and tossing it far out of it.

"Um.. that's littering—"

"I don't wanna keep that devil note in here. I feel like it'll jinx things." Hikaru closed the window. He walked over to the desk and pulled up a second chair. He patted the one beside his, coaxing his brother to sit beside him. Kaoru did. "Can you believe it?" he asked, opening the box with one piece of vanilla and strawberry cake in it. "Honey actually sent this with me. He normally makes the other person share, but he's got plenty of this type at home, so he decided to be nice and give it to us. He said it'd make you feel better."

"It looks so pretty… I didn't have any cake, today…"

"First bite goes to you." Hikaru insisted, taking the fork and getting him a bite of it. He put it in front of his face. "Go ahead."

"For me?" Kaoru blushed, hesitated, and then ate it. He smiled as he enjoyed the taste of it. "It's so tasty!" he said, as if he had never had it before. "Come to think of it, I can't really remember the last time I ate. I just wasn't up for it…"

The second bite went to Hikaru, who used the same fork, not caring that his brother had just eaten off of it. Kaoru blushed again. The third bite went to the younger twin. He blushed a little bit more, feeling that much closer to his older brother.

'This is indirect kissing… but…' he watched his twin eat another bite. 'It's different to me, now. It used to not make me feel so warm, but… now, I…'

Soon, there was only the strawberry left. Hikaru stabbed it and held it out for his brother.

"Really? But I had the last bite of cake! You like strawberries, too, so you should…"

"Nonsense. I want _you_ to have it." He said, feeling obligated to go to great lengths to make his little brother happy.

"Oh… okay, then…" he waited a moment, looking at his mirror image to make sure it was fine before he took it between his teeth cautiously as though it would bite him. Then, Hikaru surprised him and bit off the other half that stuck out of his mouth, causing Kaoru to take his part of the strawberry into his mouth. They had been less than a millimeter from kissing. In fact, he thought he had felt his brother's lips against his for a split second. He touched his mouth as he chewed, and then swallowed.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I kind of wanted some, too." Hikaru said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head and smiling nervously.

'Kaoru's right. I _do_ tease him… but… it's just so fun to make him blush like that. I thought our lips touched… he probably felt it, too, since he's touching his and looking at me like that.' The older boy pushed some hair out of the younger's face, off of his forehead, and placed a warm kiss there. Kaoru gasped a little bit. Blushing tremendously.

"I'm gonna go take a shower." Hikaru whispered before leaving the room. Kaoru watched him walk away, feeling as though the blush on his face had parked itself there and had decided to never leave.

'I'm going to die…' he thought. This time, though, he meant that in a good way.


	14. Chapter 14

Title: Do What You Want with Me  
Anime: Ouran High School Host Club  
Pairing: HikaKao  
Chapter 14

He started writing. It's all he could think to do.

**My heart is pounding  
I don't know what to do  
I may have a heart attack  
That made me so happy  
I felt our lips touch a little bit  
And my whole body is set aflame  
I need you to hold me tonight  
Or I'm**_**seriously**_**gonna go insane**

He stopped and tried to think of what else he wanted to say. That was too short.

**It's like you hold my heart in your hands  
And gently caressed it  
And brought it back to life  
Breathing that life into my flushed body  
Attempting to make the fire stop  
But pouring gasoline on it instead**

When I think of strawberries  
I'll forever think of you  
My big brother that I so badly want  
To bring down with me**  
To drag you down to Hell with me  
Where all sinners belong  
Because I dream of being tainted by your love  
Your precious  
Delicious  
Indescribable love**

Kaoru saighed. He was in love. He felt like a schoolgirl with a smile on his face and blush dusted on his cheeks. He looked so innocent, but his thoughts were so impure.

**All I can dream of  
Is your love  
Of you taking my true virginity  
And belonging to only me  
Making me yours  
And understanding that you're mine  
As we make love forever  
For the eternal nights**

He thought he'd go insane before this day was over.


	15. Chapter 15

Title: Do What You Want with Me  
Anime: Ouran High School Host Club  
Pairing: HikaKao  
Chapter 15

At the Host Club the next day, it was obvious that Kaoru was off in La-La Land. He had a very happy look on his face, his eyes were closed, and he was blushing, sitting there alone, thinking of Hikaru.

Honey snapped his fingers in front of Karu's face.

"Kao-chan? Kao-chan!" he sighed. "It's no use…" he skipped over to Haruhi who was with her guests.

"And you're trying to help them become closer?" one guest said.

"I'm sure trying my best." Haruhi said. The girls blushed happily.

"Such a sweetheart!" they squealed.

"Haru-chan?" the tiny blonde said, frowning a little bit.

"Yeah?" she said.

"Kao-chan's zoned out completely, and we can't wake him up…"

"What have you tried?" she asked, only slightly concerned.

"Everything known to man." He answered cutely.

"Not _quite_ everything. If this doesn't wake him up, I'm not sure _what_ will…"Hikaru said. He sat down beside him and gave him a long lick on the cheek. Several of their guests squealed so loud that it nearly cracked Kyoya's glasses. There was no response. "Wow… that's crazy. Would've thought he'd wake up from that…"

"I'm asleep, too! Lick me, too!" on of the girls said, trying to get him to do it. Hiakru sweat dropped. Haruhi walked over to them.

"We were gonna try violence, but Hika-chan was against it."

"You're damn right!" Hiakru said.

"Hikaru! Watch your language in front of the lovely ladies!" Tamaki scolded.

"Ah, go jump off a bridge, boss…" he grumbled.

"Mommy! He's being mean to me!"

"You know, there's a trick that my friends used to use on each other when they zoned out hardcore like this." Haruhi said.

"A commoner's trick?" Tamaki said. She nodded.

"You lean close to the victim's ear and say the name of someone that's most likely on their mind. They wake up after repeating it." She leaned close to Kaoru's ear and whispered slowly, "Hikaru…"

"Ahh~! Hikaru…" he moaned happily. A second later, he realized where he was, and all of their fans were squealing.

"Thinking about me?" Hikaru smirked, and then he tackled his brother, snuggling him.

"W-what?!"

The fangirls basically died that day.


End file.
